Im deleting my tumblr. If the one message asking for xontact info was anything to go by, none of you give a shit. But its okay. That just shows me that most of you were full of shit and the ones that weren’t were liars. But, I hope you all have a good life.. actually, I dont care if you do or dont.
If you would like my contact info, you can inbox me. Ill be deleting in about a weeks time to give anyone who wants it a chance to keep in touch with me.
But to all else. Goodbye, it was kinda fun…
I was right…..she didnt make it.. had her since she was a babe no bigger than my thumb and 9 months later and she’s gone…most people rake one look at rats and automatically deem them filthy, harmful animals but they arent.
I really need a good outdoor run. I have a load of pent up anger, sadness and mass frustration. Just.. I need it to be spring!
Anonymous asked: I love you so much.
Sorry if I dont believe the words of someone I do not know.
Pretty sure one of my rats wont live too much longer.. I am kinda really upset.
It hard when you feel like shit and want to talk but have no friends to talk to. I could talk to my gf but there are just some things I cant talk about with her. She will be so caught up with wanting to comfort me that she won’t know that I do want to be fawned over but just listened to. Tonight is going to be a fucking bad night.
As I begin the journey to pursue my writing passion, I find myself in need of a favor or two.
I am the type of person who adores constructive critisim. It is my philosophy that if I do not know there is a problem, I cannot correct it.
The first favor I ask of you is to please PLEASE give me some tips on writing! Anything you may think to share is welcome. I am not a writing expert and while I plan to obtain a degree in writimg, I find that great insite comes from everywhere.
The second favor I ask is for you guys to maybe read some things I will post in the near future and give me feedback. If you hate it, let me know why. If you love it, please tell me why. Thought a character didnt seem original? Let me know.
The last thing I ask is that you help me try an achieve a dream by simply passing this on. Please.
Humbly and thankful yours
I’ve been going through a fair bit of changes lately. Physically, I have continued to lose weight. Like a good amount of weight. I’ve become more physically defined, my knuckles, wrist, ankles and collar bone are prominent. I have more stamina, I sleep better, the whole nine. I’m honestly quite proud of myself. I’ve been on countless diets and weight loss kicks but this is the first I’ve stuck with. Since Late April of last year i’ve been working out on a somewhat regualr base. I’ve been controlling my portions, ive stopped the midnight snacks. I dont eat fast food anymore (I dont count pizza as fast food). I just never though I could be on the road to such a healthier me.
Emotionally, I’ve come a very long way. A year ago I was ready and willing to kill myself because I couldn’t handle it all. I honestly don’t know how I survived. Even my therapist commended me on my strength with fighting against my depression and bipolar disorder. But now, I havent thought about killing myself in a while. The itch to cut is gone. Due to my bipolar disorder, I still become very down and upset but I can manage it. I don’t feel embarrassed to talk to people close to me about it. While my depression will always be a part of me, it does not control me. I’m coming to terms with my abandonment issues. With my eldest sister, I know she loves me. And even though I havent seen her in years, I know we are still close. My first love was and will always be something I remember. It was an honest and genuine love that bloomed over 2 years. It also forced me to confront my homosexual desires which could be hard for any 14 year old boy growing up in a home with strong christian morals. But kirk (which is his name) left. I mean, we were best friend and while I never acted on my feelings, I adored him. And he left without a goodbye or anything. Its taken me 6 years but I can honestly say that ive let him go. Even if I saw him again, I wouldn’t feel anything. I don’t love him anymore. As for the friends ive lost, they werent true friends and it wasnt my fault.
Sometimes I still feel really REALLY alone. But now instead of turning that inward, I find a positive outlet. At the moment, that outlet is learning Russian.
I’ve finally decided to come out as Bisexual to my parents and siblings, not sure when, but it will be soonish. Im comfortable enough now to let them know.
Professionally, I’ve decided to change my major. I have been an animal science since I started college In 2009. Ive wanted to be a vet since forever but recently, ive confronted my choice and realized that before wanting to become a vet, I wanted to write. The reason I didnt pursue it was because I was told I was not a good writer (by a teacher) and I took that to heart. But, modesty aside, I am a damn good writer. So, ive decided to et my degree in writing and strive to a successful author and have a career in it. I know I can do it. I mean, im already a published poet.
My love life is interesting at the moment. Me and my gf (of about 3ish on & off years) had sex for the first time the other day. I was the one who decided to wait because sex, to me, constructs a very deep connect between two people. Its allowing someone to see you in your most open state. I’m honestly glad I waited. It was worth the wait. I love her so muh. She may be loads more touchy feely than I. A bit more loopy, and she can drive me crazy. But she is the most beautiful, loving, absolutely stunning soul I have ever seen. To me she is perfect.
well I think thats it journal.